Will you blow on my dice?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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