it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
