i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
