I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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