I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
