he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
