just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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