Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
