im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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