She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
