Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
