Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
