no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
