If i come over, it means nothing
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
