I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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