I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
