I could have mohawked her pubes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
