birth control should be required to get into college
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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