she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my being single is dangerous.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
