I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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