Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
