How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
