Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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