no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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