she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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