i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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