her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
