to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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