Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
