i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
