you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
