someone threw a dead crab at me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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