hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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