My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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