the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
