I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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