We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
