In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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