i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
