i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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