don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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