i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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