Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
