whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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