His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude. I can hear the air.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
