she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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