You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
