Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
