i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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