Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
