if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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