the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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