oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
