Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
