Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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