What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
